On March 13 I posted, “Be Patient. Everything Comes to You in the Right Moment: Buddha”. 

In that post, I discussed how my current attempt to obtain Gibraltarian residency requires me to pass four hurdles, and that I was poised mid-air over hurdle three (which, in theory, also happens to be the most difficult hurdle). 

My groin hurts! My legs ache! I spent well over two months in mid-air, legs outstretched over hurdle number three. 

Finally a landing. 

“Dear Jonathan, my sincere apologies for the delay. I can confirm that a meet was held on Monday and this matter was reconsidered and approved. My office will be issuing the Work Permit within the next couple of days. Thank you for your continued patience.” 

I was reading this email, which Jonathan had forwarded, when he called to tell me the good news. I answered his phone call with a true Alberta cowgirl, “Yahooooooooooo!”, and his laughter on the other end was long and genuine. That is good, because we’d had a rather tense conversation a few hours earlier regarding the delay over hurdle number three, and how best to proceed. With that laughter, and our subsequent discussion about next steps, I think we’re back on good footing. In fact, as I type this, I know we are, because by the end of the phone call, Jonathan was thanking me. 

So what does the above email mean? It means the Government of Gibraltar has decided to grant me a one-year work permit. That will clear hurdle three. When the government grants work permits, it tends to accept as a matter of course that the employee will need to reside here, and so a one-year residency card should follow. That will clear hurdle four. 

But because of COVID-19 these aren’t normal times, are they? Once the work permit is in hand, will the residency card still follow as a matter of course? People seem to think so. But I’ll keep stretching in order to remain limber for a mid-air pause over hurdle number four, just in case.

And yet successfully clearing hurdle four is not what keeps me up at night. 

I now own a business here. It has the requisite approvals to carry on business and employ people. Most importantly, it has the right to employ me. 

But what are the company and I going to do? 

Am I completely insane to have gone through all this trouble and expense to create a company that has no business plan, no clients? 

I think the answer is yes and no. 

If you have read anything I’ve written on this site before, you will probably not be surprised when I say that I decided to run away from Canada because I was a broken mess. There was such a journey to embark upon, so much healing to do. A big part of that journey has included trying to determine the career and the life I want.

So, I’ve told myself repeatedly that I am not allowed to beat myself up for creating North America Consultants Limited for the purpose of getting me my residency in Gibraltar, and not being sure what to do with it after that. 

What I am beating myself up for is something else. 

The work permit application was rejected once, but we swiftly appealed, and I was told to be optimistic. But weeks and weeks passed, with no news. I got dejected. And desperate. And I started to think this plan was not going to work, and I started to think more about what to do if it didn’t work rather than focusing on what I would do WHEN it did. 

So I applied for a job in a land far, far away. Not a land I’m particularly excited about. And not a job I’m particularly excited about. After a short learning curve, I will be able to do it with my eyes closed. 

So what would be so great about it? 

It pays well. It’s security. 

I put a day into doing and submitting the application, that’s not a big deal. But then I got selected to write a test, and I put a good deal of time into preparing for that. Time that could have been spent on my true goal, figuring out how to make a livelihood in Gibraltar… 

Well, live and learn. I didn’t hear anything for three weeks after the exam, so no need to worry about that, right? Back to full focus on life in Gibraltar! 

But then – I was selected for an interview. 

I could have simply said, “Thanks, but no thanks”. But I didn’t hesitate, I agreed to do the interview. I do not perform well in interviews, so I think I need the practice.

Is that the real reason? 

Good money. Security. Two huge things I don’t have in Gibraltar. So no, let’s be honest. I didn’t just agree to do the interview for practice. 

But the problem is much, much more difficult than that. 

I thought straddling a hurdle was difficult. Now my mind is straddling two different opportunities, and I’m MAD at myself. What have I done?! I’ve created my own distraction from my real goal – to create a life in Gibraltar!

Trust your heart. Don’t doubt yourself. Don’t go down the blurred side paths. Don’t expend time on “just in case”. Because what happens when you do that? You create opportunities for yourself that aren’t what you really want, you use time and energy on the back up plan, and you should be expending the time and energy on your real dreams. And then fear and doubt and God knows what else kick in and cause you to think perhaps you should take the side path, even when you know what you want is down another route…and around and around you go, chasing your tail.

Geez. Just reading this, do you think I should change my answer and say “no thanks” to the interview? Am I strong enough – or stupid enough – to? 

Maybe those are the wrong questions. Maybe I should be asking, “Am I strong enough to put the time, the work, the dedication, the effort, into making North America Consultants Limited a success?”

Enough with trying to find the right question! Yet another distraction. No more chasing my own tail.

The interview is cancelled. 

Full throttle Gibraltar.